Feedback is an art form. (Come fight me if you disagree; I have a lot to say about it and I’ll die a thousand deaths on this hill before I surrender.) As such, doing it casually or without thinking through any power dynamics at play can royally mess up the creative process. So, here are two ways to make it less of a thing and more of a gift, both to yourself and to others. Here we go:
If you are sharing your work:
Begin by being clear with yourself as to what kind of feedback you want. Never share your work and then type, “thoughts?” First, “thoughts?” never reads powerfully for you, but most importantly, you’ve opened yourself at that point to whatever type of feedback the reader might want to give, and that is not necessarily the type of feedback you’re hoping to get. Even if you’re pretty open to a variety of feedback about something, you’re going to get better quality of feedback by listing out the types of feedback someone might offer for you that would be useful. This is the difference between closing an email with “thoughts?” versus “Would be interested to hear your thoughts on the structure, language, character development, and title.” Huge difference. (And we all know how soul-crushing it is to get feedback about something too early or to get the wrong kind of feedback or get feedback focused on something we’re not yet at the point of addressing. Fucking brutal momentum-tanking juice is what.)
If you are giving feedback:
Always ask what type of feedback someone is looking for before giving any feedback. Simply say: “I’d be glad to. What type of feedback are you most looking for?” The sender will then hand you a great clue like, “Well, I’m not totally sure about character development, so I’d love to hear about that.” Not only is that going to yield better feedback for the work, but it’ll land in a more supportive and useful way than wasting your time giving the type of feedback the sender isn’t going to be open to hearing at this point in their process anyway.
In summation, don’t be a power-trippy douchebag about giving feedback but ask good questions in order to make sure it’s useful to all involved, but also don’t roll over and submit to the mercy of your test-reader either— get what you need from the people you trust to be your first readers.