Using self-doubt as a power tool
I'm not even kidding
“I don't believe anyone ever suspects how completely unsure I am of my work and myself and what tortures of self-doubting the doubt of others has always given me.”
― Tennessee Williams
There’s an almost perversely soothing joy that comes when we learn even people who seem to have it completely together and have the beast of self-doubt so wonderfully tamed— that they, too, in fact, struggle with it. We all do from time to time, and there are a million tiny things that threaten to feed it in a given day: criticism, comparison, fear, childhood messages, stress, crummy sleep, poor hydration, and so on.
But, perhaps there are also as many ways to outrun it.
Capturing the “yeah, but” is one of those ways. The “yeah, but” is the unfiltered truth of what’s holding you up. In practical terms, I mean: sit down and simply, straightforwardly name the doubt that is holding you up.
Maybe that is, “yeah, but if I write this people will think I’m crazy,” or, “my colleagues will think I’m an idiot if I write this,” or some other variation on the theme of “who do I think I am?” Then, let yourself consider that naming the hesitation can set you up with a powerful tool to use to pre-empt opposition to your work.
By that I mean, if you catch yourself resisting doing the work or resisting putting down a particular argument, interrogate why. Is it that you feel too young/old to say that? Not as qualified as others in your field? Then write that and reclaim it. That might look like: “To be fair, I have been retired from the field after forty years, which is why I present these facts to let them speak for themselves.” Or, perhaps, “Indeed, I came to this field later in life, but I came to it with decades of experience and hope to breathe new and more inclusive life into a field that needs it terribly.” Or, maybe that’s, “In all fairness, I don’t hold public office myself, but it is the duty of citizens to hold our public leaders accountable to us.” You get the idea.
This is often so liberating because the act of unflinchingly giving voice to our fears and experiences can help dissolve their mystery and invite creative forms of support when it’s needed. It also helps us preempt any opposition we might be fearing just enough to stop us.
